Scared your child will receive an autism diagnosis? Read this to put your mind at ease.

Scared your child will receive an autism diagnosis? As parents, we dread learning about and discussing anything that can negatively impact our children’s wellbeing—and understandably so!

I have had many parents—specifically moms—call in tears after they were told their child likely has autism, sharing their concerns and fears regarding how this diagnosis will ultimately affect his or her life. Their sleepless nights are usually consumed by worry that their child will experience bullying, be treated differently, or not enjoy an opportunity to live an independent and meaningful life—alongside many other worries related to how the diagnosis might change their family dynamic and lifestyle. Nevertheless, it’s important to understand these feelings and anxieties are all normal and you are not alone.

Normalizing this process is crucial, as every parent experiences anxiety to varying degrees when faced with the prospect that his or her child may receive a diagnosis for any condition. However, neurodevelopmental, and mental health conditions tend to impact parents to a greater degree than others—perhaps because a clear roadmap detailing how to navigate the process from diagnosis and intervention is not at their disposal. Or, maybe, because too much stigma still exists with respect to these conditions (typically due to misconceptions, specifically about autism).

While taking the time to process the feelings that come with a looming autism evaluation is a healthy undertaking, it is also important to become aware of the maladaptive coping mechanisms that can lead one to avoid the process altogether. The fear of knowing is sometimes so overwhelming that the parent becomes paralyzed, stifling any opportunity to truly get to know his/her child and obtain the early intervention necessary during this period. This process is sometimes subconscious, with the parent choosing to deny these concerns even exist. It’s important to note there is no judgment here; sometimes it just takes some time to really sit with the emotions and process the information before taking action. On other occasions, one parent might bring his/her concerns to the other parent, who responds with discouraging words in an attempt to invalidate those concerns. No matter how this difficult time unfolds, adaptive coping mechanisms are necessary to address the challenge head-on for the sake of productive action.

Unfortunately, waiting too long to seek an autism evaluation can ultimately have a negative impact on the child: who then goes on to miss out on the appropriate accommodations and support when these are needed the most. This can also affect the parent-child relationship, especially when the child exhibits behavioral challenges that take a toll on the parent’s mental health.

If you have a child who is showing some symptoms of autism but are hesitant (or even scared) to seek out an evaluation, keep in mind these key truths:

• Simply scheduling an evaluation does not mean your child will 100% receive a diagnosis.
• The child you bring to the evaluation is the same child you leave with; nothing changes other than your understanding of his/her needs and strengths, which is now stronger.
• An evaluation is not just about what the child cannot yet do or is lacking, but also about the unique skills he/she possesses.

Please know that your anxious, fearful thoughts and feelings are temporary; you will eventually find relief whether your child receives a diagnosis or not. Either which way, the information you receive will give you the power to better understand your child’s needs, develop a stronger connection, and feel more empowered overall.

If your child does in fact receive an autism diagnosis, understand that whatever you think you know about autism will likely not apply to your child. Rather, your child’s autism is unique to him/her. Before you know it, you will become an expert on your child and know exactly how to support him/her. Research shows that parents who adjust well to an autism diagnosis have better outcomes with respect to the parent-child relationship and parent wellbeing than those who do not.

Throughout this process, it’s important to remember that your child and family are not alone. According to the most recent CDC report, autism now impacts 1 in 36 children. Neurodiversity is the new normal, and taking the time to learn about this topic will arm you with a new perspective regarding differences in the brain and your child’s unique way of existing in the world.

Lastly, remember to surround yourself with love and support from others during this challenging time. Take a (very) deep breath and remind yourself that your child will make so many gains as you eventually celebrate countless wins—together!